All I want for Christmas..?

What I really, really want for Christmas this year is to have a better one that last year! Already I have all but one Christmas present left to buy, my Park vouchers came in so incredibly handy and I have a 10 pound one left just for dear old me! I'm going to be smart about my food shop which is not usual for me and I'm trying to get back into the swing of things with weekly meal plans.

Last year was bloody awful. I was pregnant with Little Man and although I look blooming marvellous (so I am told) during pregnancy with my healthy skin and small rounded bump inside I am sick as a dog. I get cold after cold which is pretty normal for me except they are always 10 times worse than usual, I get ear infections (woke up on Christmas day last year with this problem, not fun!!) I could hardly walk but will spare the details and couldn't sleep due to painfully tossing and turning every night to get comfy, something every woman can sympathise with.

This year my eggo is not preggo so that is something. I have still been getting cold after cold but I can deal with them and if I am to be struck down again at least this year i will be able to see through cooking a Christmas dinner, having my smoked salmon and poached egg breakfast and opening presents with more enthusiasm. Hopefully neither of my little monsters will be poorly either, Little Man hasn't had it easy so far and Little Miss was laid up on the sofa all grumpy, we didn't get to bake Santa anything, or throw out our reindeer food *sad times*

So yes, I would love to have full health for everyone and a nice big, fat roast dinner. I can't wait to see the family, we always visit at different times exchange gifts, have a laugh, spend some nice time with the children who run around like lunatics as you do as that age (okay still do...)

I wouldn't mind some of those nice black slippers I saw though in my local Whirlwind sports though...Who am I kidding, Other Half doesn't read this...I'll just go write him a note (or 4) to place around the house.

*This is blog prompt from Britmums-Christmas Wishes

30 Day Declutter:

Continuing my 30 day declutter I have another joyous day clearing this out in prep for Christmas. Now to pick up from yesterday where I left you at number 79 out of 90 items gone from my small little home:
80.Girls stroller-Freecycle
81.Purple paint that I hardly used-Freecycle
82.Small child's chair-Freecycle
83.Mini board game that no one plays with-charity shop
84.Unused bed sheet-charity shop
85.Canvas wardrobe-Freecycle
86.Carrier bag of children's clothes-charity shop
87.Tigger pillow-charity shop
88.Old white pillow from old sofa-charity shop
89.Large foot stall-Returned to rightful owner after kindly being lent to us (means my tree can go up yey!)
90!Maths workbook way to old for any children I know!-charity shop

So there it is, I have managed to do 90 items, my 30 days are not up however until 11 December so I will still be continuing my decluttering of the house. Having this blog sure does help though so maybe I will keep blogging my updates for my own motivation.

Snap Slappers-Week 3!

Ah another week of Snap Slappers, great. So far I have 'Pimped my cat' and sprused up a snap of the Coca Cola add which made it look like I was actually there...Fun.
But after looking about the other blogger's posts this week I knew I needed something even more exciting to do. I'm not quite as close to admitting myself to Snap Slapper Rehab just yet (unlike some others mentioning no names Five Go Blogging *coughs* )
So here you go, here's my original:

And here's what happened when Picnik got a hold of it:

Zey call him Alfino....Or a young Keith Lemon...? You decide!

Click the badge above to join the rest and have some photo fun!

So I'm incredibly near the end of my 30 days of decluttering. It started off slowly but now there is a very, very happy lady across the road sat in her charity shop surrounded by Brooker goods! 
I'll jump straight in shall I? I have no photographic evidence to prove I have done this so you'll just have trust me! So when I last updated I was left with the grand total of 65/90 items recycled, passed on or returned to rightful owners:
66. A giant panda teddy-charity shop
67. A bridal magazine that had seen better days left in the rack-recycled
68. Baby bath seat-charity shop
69. Green oval plate- returned to my Aunt
70. Old tin-returned to my mum
71. Girls shelf unit- charity shop (finally!!!!)
72. Broken hamster cage- taken to local dump
73. Old shorts- recycled
74. 2 cushions-charity shop
75. Odd shaped side table- Mum took this to her local charity store
76. Hoody Other Half never wears-charity shop
77. Towel-animal charity shop (they pass it on)
78. 3 microfibre tea towels I hated- gave them to Mother who was in need of new ones and likes them more
79. Shower curtain unwrapped-charity shop
Can I just say i have decluttered way more than this but silly me didn't jot down anything else! My Iceland bag got filled again and taken just this morning and I didn't rummage through! Darn!
Hannah x

This week Baby I Promise...

Mum Of One
This is my first time with Mum Of One and her meme 'Baby I promise' where you make a promise you'll try very, very hard to keep to your child or children for the coming week.

A few months back I was having CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) for social anxiety which is something it turns out I've suffered from much of my school life and so far my adult life also. I have however changed an incredible amount which makes me very proud as you can imagine. Plenty of people have been there with anxiety and depression and the knowledge that you are coming out the other side is a wonderful thing.

Anyway, it was obvious going through this process of meetings that my anxiety was ruling my life almost completely. Since finishing the counselling I may have got better with most things (calling people, talking to family more openly, blogging (sounds odd but people ask you questions face to face after reading it and I have to be aware of that when I write, this used to scare me so much hence why blogging was a major step for myself personally) and many other things.
One thing I have struggled to do is to go to Toddler groups. There's no excuse, there's a library group on Wednesdays and on Tuesdays a church holds a massive group for all ages which I used to go to..It's just dragging my arse out of bed and going but the whole thing fills me with such dread that I lay there for ages thinking about it.

So this week I promise to take my lovely Little Man to either the big toddler group alone so we get some 'me time' or take him AND his sister to the library group I went to regularly before 'pushy Mum' ventured in and thoroughly put me off.
I'll try. Mummy x

The One Where Pops Turned 50!!

It was a special day today so that requires a special cake! My Dad is a music lover who owns plenty of guitars, bells,a lot of recording equipment,a flute not to mention a didgeridoo! So it seemed obvious he needed a good cake to match his love of musical instruments...what better than a banjo? I had a good go, this cake is all gluten and dairy free and tastes delicious! Mum baked the cakes as I was in charge of decorating. Dad loved it when he saw it this morning and I'm pleased to say recognised it straight away! Phew..

We surprised Dad today by all going out and waiting at a local restaurant in the Cornish village Porthleven. The restaurant is called Sea Drift ( I wasn't expecting this restaurant to be family friendly if I'm honest with you as when I've gone passed it normally I have never seen a young child with a family, I never saw highchairs tucked away or anything. I was pleasantly surprised and very pleased to see that the staff (who are extremely friendly and hard working ) had placed Little Man a plastic seat so he could join in the meal and I didn't have to have him on my lap fearing for my dinner as i thought!

Before first course there was a nice little serving of some mustard bread and butter. This seemed to go down a treat with everyone, even Other Half who hates mustard. Little Man tucked into this as well and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I didn't have a first course so jumped straight to ordering my roast dinner. When this came out i though it looked a little bare, not being used to this fine dining lark I didn't realise the vegetables would be coming in little bowls so we could choose! The picture below isn't very good as I had a lot more veg on my plate than that! My salmon was gorgeous and wonderfully cooked, the potatoes were lovely and crispy and the parsnips just delicious!
Crispy spuds,and yummy salmon (loads more veg went on here!)
The meat eaters enjoyed a Traditional Roast dinner. The beef was cooked pretty rare which no one had objections to but the offer was there to do it a bit more, the potatoes were very tasty and there was plenty of veg to add to their plates. I'm told the Yorkshire Pudding was very good, but check out the size! Now that's a Yorkshire Pud! To add to the meal was a gravy which I believe was an own recipie and apparently tasted very nice, but was quite rich, not a bad thing though. 

Check out the size of that Yorkshire Pud!
Now on to dessert! Those who had room tucked in to a pavlova with mixed fruits. I wasn't expecting anything as this is the norm when you can't eat wheat, gluten or dairy so I was very surprised again to be offered some dairy free ice cream and some berries, needless to say it was very, very nice. Better than the tinned fruits I'm usually offered at most other places.
Check out my sisters boyfriend who is very happy with himself, not only did he eat most of his roast, a fair bit of mustard bread and a steak my brother didn't manage, he was up for the pavlova:

Very generous serving of Pavlova  with a fruit  cooked in port
Dairy and gluten free alternative to dessert very good
Chocolate and Orange icecream free with kids meal. Very impressed!
All paid we went back home where we all celebrated with cake of course! I'll leave you with a few last photos and the happy knowledge Dad enjoyed his 50th very much as did we all.

Lovely pic of me and my Little Man
Me and Dad, both looking bit...odd
Little Miss with her Pop's guitars
Proud Mummy Moment people! Look at the writing!
 Hannah xx

Silent Sunday

Listography ~ Cartoon Characters from your youth!

I wasn't too big on my cartoons (far too busy with Spice Girls!) but even I have a top 5 cartoon character list as asked for by the lovely Kate at Kate Takes 5. So, click the blog or the badge below to linky up yourself or just have a good look at everyone elses offerings!

1) The Large Family
I loved this cartoon a huge amount. You know what? I still love this cartoon. The way Mrs Large tries to juggle housework,shopping,cooking all the while dealing with 4 rather inquisitive children. I also ashamedly like it when they always get one up on that neighbour (we must all know one, the 'my child is better than yours Mummy member of everything going') Anyway, great cartoon!

2)  Top Cat
It was my brother who loved this cartoon the most but I never remember complaining about watching it. I found it funny but must admit it wasn't Top Cat that was my favourite, I rather liked dear old Benny.

3 )Care Bears
I LOVED the Care Bears had the video and all which was watched over and over. When I bought a video player from a charity shop last year I couldn't wait to play my old video...Only to find my mother had given it away a long time ago. It still hurts now!

4) Arthur
I always came straight home from school and tuned into Arthur. I still watch it on CBBC now with Little Miss. The imagination of all the characters is great and I must admit to liking DW..My favourite is Arthur's dog Pal..especially when he can talk to Arthur's baby sister Kate, how cool?

5)Busytown Mysteries
It took me fricken ages to find this prompting everyone I spoke to in my family about a worm with a hat and one shoe that I was on drugs mad..But I'm not (mad or on drugs may I add) I loved this show, I wonder how many can remember this? It's still on Pop now (only discovered this recently to my utter joy) and I've just remembered I read the stories when I was in primary!
Can I just cheekily add that The Moomins was a classic also but there's just not enough room! 
Go on, join in!

Saturday is....Caption Day!

What an...Interesting photo? Leave a caption in the comments section, making would be fab! Head on over to Mammasaurus for more Saturday Is Caption Day fun and link up your own!
Hannah x

Post Natal Depression-The Day I Lost My Mind

If there is anyone reading this who is suffering from PND, who thinks they may be or even has just got help for this awful illness then please know this: It does get better.

'I can't take any more. I just keep crying. I want to close my eyes and sleep forever.I love my daughter because she is a part of me, but I do not like her. Sometimes I think I hate her. I hate my partner too. I want him to leave me. I want to be alone and not do this for the rest of my life. I am sore and tired and I miss how everything was. I don't feel anything for my daughter.I love  it when she sleeps so I can just be alone. I hate it when she wakes up. I mean, I like that she wakes because I love her, but then when she does wake up she just cries so much. Nothing I do makes her stop. She just cries, cries cries and no one understands...
I got up with her this morning and just felt awful. I didn't want to touch her. I'm almost a machine doing a mothers job. Pick her up, change her bottom, feed her milk, lay her in her moses basket and hope she sleeps so I can curl up on the sofa and wonder what is wrong with me? This morning though she wouldn't sleep again. My partner was in bed asleep, having a lay in. I couldn't take it anymore. I walked upstairs with her in my hands, whinging a little, prodded him, watched as he opened his eyes then thrust her into his arms and walked off. I declared I couldn't do it anymore.
I know everyone will hate me if I walk away from my child. Who could do such a thing? they would say. I want my partner to take her and himself and go back to his Mum where he can be happy and she can be happy away from me...Her useless no good mother.

After I wrote that diary entry, dated when Midge was only 4 weeks old, I ran a hot shower and sat for about an hour on the floor. God knows what was running through my mind. Actually I do know. I was thinking, how do I escape? How do i end this now? Why am I here?
No one should feel like ever.The day I was made to go to my GP was the most humiliating day of my life. It's the day I started to get better. Soon the dark thoughts faded, I could make my little girl smile. I could embrace her the way I longed to. 
I didn't fully bond with Lily-Mai until she was just over a year old:


It's my daughters first birthday tomorrow. I don't even want to get out of bed. What kind of  a mother am I? I don't care about the cake, the balloons I honestly don't. Why would I? God I can't believe i'm writing this but it's how I feel. If I can't write it here then where the hell else is there to go? She doesn't even like me. She doesn't want me, only wants her Dad or anyone who isn't me..what's the point?

The next morning I got up with a smile on my face. We went to Newquay Aquarium and had a wonderful day and when we came home from our outing we had a buffet tea, took lots of pictures sang Happy Birthday and ate cake (which I managed to make!) 
With PND much like any other depression you must, must MUST take each day as it comes. One day you feel like you're the most lonely and useless person alive. The next you could feel even just a little better. Before you know it, you can be happy again.

I love my daughter. She's my best friend. Because of PND I hated her. I cried when she cried. I was scared of her cries. I felt she never slept and couldn't stand me. It's an awful feeling looking at the beautiful, peaceful little being you have just brought into the world but feel nothing but dread when they stir. Feel completely on edge when they move just a tiny bit. 

As part of this post I’d really love it if you could take the time to look at something. Something another mother is doing to help people like me, like her and so many others who have suffered or are suffering from PND. 
PND isn't a one size fits all. People will have all kinds of signs that they may be suffering from the illness. The important thing to remember is that if you don't feel right, in other words you know your thoughts are not right, you know you should not be feeling this way, but you can't help it then you need to seek some comfort and support from someone else.It's the hardest part believe me, but once you're there the only way is up.

Life Circle...

This weeks Life Circle is all about celebrating success. I have to admit that i started this task with a lot of enthusiasm and wanting to change but as the weeks have gone on (nothing to do with the tasks may I firstly point out) I have felt an increasing feeling of just not being able to do anything. Even though i have learnt from past counselling sessions that it is important for me to actively go out and 'do' things (one of my listed items for change for example was to join a regular baby and toddler group) but I have not had the motivation. This in turn makes me feel bad as a mother as I feel my son is missing out. I know he's 10 months old nearly and really has all he needs at home still in the form of bum changes, milk,fed regularly and 2 naps a day followed by a decent sleep, plenty of hugs and kisses and some time to have fun which I try and do (or leave Little Miss to do as they bond so well which is always a wonderful moment for a mum!)
I wanted to get together with my family more regularly, it is my Dads birthday this weekend so we are all seeing him. I'd rather it was just the family again to be honest, I miss my Dad a great deal more than people realise, even he realises and being a male I'm never sure if they feel the same. (He's my Dad though surly he misses me too I say to myself then I remember that Dad's a very logical person who knows I 'don't live that far away' and yes, he's quite right.
Anyway I'm rambling on far too much. I do feel this Life Circle is a good thing but I am with the idea of it starting again in the New Year. I hope other people then might be more motivated to join in and those who already take part and perhaps are struggling like myself just to get this busy period full of illness over and done with so we can focus on OURSELVES a bit more.
I have taken part in all but one task in this process and I believe that was Week 5. if I'm honest because of my lack of motivation in ANYTHING or ANYONE I probably didn't try hard enough. i do remember struggling with that week though and thought it best to leave it and try my hand at the next one.
I also thing the idea of having the future Life Circle posted up on a Saturday with a link up the following Thursday giving us more time to mull things over (and also giving the The Fives F's blog a break!)
I apologise for droning on (again) this week but it really has been a difficult couple of weeks for me more personally than anything and I just hope that I can give myself a boot up the arse to be perfectly honest!

The Gallery- Something I am Proud Of

There are many things in life I could be proud of. The obvious being my children and my partner, various family members fighting through difficult times But I'd like to be a little self indulgent tonight, so for The Gallery this week which Tara has asked us to think of 'something we're proud of' I am going to say 'myself'.

I'm proud of finding out I was pregnant at 17 and deciding to have my baby even though it wasn't what everyone thought I should do. I didn't care what anyone else thought. I didn't care that some people rolled their eyes when I announced I was engaged to my partner. I accept I was young but still I am proud I stood my ground and the first time in my life I didn't allow people to make me feel bad about my choices.

I am proud that I gave birth at 18 and I got through it okay. I brought my daughter to a loving home and got through some tough times. I'm proud to say my partner and I are still together although we faced a lot of problems in the first few years of our daughters life. I'm proud that I got through post natal depression with the love and support of my partner. I'm proud that I later gave birth to my son after a pretty grizzly pregnancy and afterwards got support for my mild depression and anxiety which I still work on to this day and feel like I've come an awful long way.

So there you are, just a few things I'm proud of myself for! I'm surprised I've pulled that out tonight as I'm feeling particularly blue this evening but never mind! Things like this always give you a good nudge in the right direction.

So, what are you proud of?

Snap Slappers Week 2

Oh yeah week of Snap Slappers and I am loving it. I spent 2 hours last night on Picnik (addicted much?) and I had such fun discovering all the new effects. The only reason I shut the computer was because I realised I hadn't done any of the lounge painting in preperation for the new sofa today..Ah maybe I do have a problem when I spend all my time playing with pictures and not enough time caring for my home...Nahhhh

So tonight I choose this photo: Capturing a moment!!

And turn it into something a bit more fancy

Not much of a change but i'm going for a classy look this week!
Link up with Five Go Blogging to join in!

Coughs, Colds..and some Christmas Cheer

I've been feeling slightly bogged down with things this week. Luckily I am feeling better bar the earache that has crept upon me this evening. Little Miss has fully recovered which I was pleased about until the sign at nursery stated: 'Please be aware we have a case chicken pox in the nursery!' I always read these signs like the person who writes them is saying it in a sing song voice like it really isn't a big deal and we should all be pleased at the prospect of the children getting it now...Well I'm not pleased! She may not get it, I hope she doesn't because that means the dreaded pox will be here for Christmas and we had a rotten enough Christmas last year.
Little Man is feeling very sorry for himself cough,snot antibiotics and all. Poor lad. We'll get there in the end!

On the positive side of things I wanted to cheer my house up a little and the prospect of putting my Christmas decs up next week is just oh so exciting! So last night I put together a little creation, nothing too fabulous just enough for a bit of understated sparkle on my rather ugly fire place.
Some nice artificial flowers/fruit selection 1.00 each from the bargain store, some stars 1.00 from Pound Stretcher, the white basket was bought for me and they're sold everywhere especially in Pound Stretchers though and some rather nice coloured tinsel 1.99 again from Pound Stretcher. Tonight I'm going to carry on making my paper chains which is part of my journey of revisiting my childhood for Christmas. My little sister always made paper chains and my Mum put them all the way across the hallway complete with lights around the banisters. My sister also wrapped boxes up with pretty paper and placed them under a small artificial tree we kept in the hallway as well.
Have you made (or like me slung together) anything that gives that early bit of sparkle before the decs officially go up? 
CupcakeMumma x


Now anyone who reads my blogs knows I have in fact got 2 beautiful children. But for this prompt by BritMums I would like to dedicate my post to my first born..My gorgeous little lady Midge.

Why your child makes you laugh

Dear Midge
You truly are a wonderful little girl. You make me laugh in so, so many ways I will find it hard to list only a few. But first to start, it has not always been easy to make Mummy laugh and I'm sure at times you may have known this in a weird sort of way. It took us such a long time to bond after you were born and Mummy felt so unbelievably down and useless that it was hard to imagine herself ever smiling, let alone laughing again.
It was a very strange time with many horrible feelings that I hope that you never have to experience. But who knew through it all, you would be the one to make all the pain, all the thoughts melt away.
Now you're nearly 4 years old (yeesh really?) and oh my have you come in to your own little self! You crack me up daily, more than once, more than twice.
You have your Mummy's stubbornness, you ask hilarious questions and pull funny faces. The way you wiggle your bum, or try to pee like a boy always make me laugh and I don't care if those things shouldn't, they are funny! Sometimes even when I'm at the end of my tether and we're locking horns, the way you look at me and mimic my every move reminds me just how much like me you will turn out to be..Even then I have to admit defeat and laugh because I know fighting with you will never be any good. It's time for Mum to learn the art of negotiation...
Mummy xxx

*This is a Britmums blog prompt

I'm A Celebrity Blogger Fun!

I have been tagged by the wonderful Mamma Syder for this fun little meme. I'm not a fan of the reality show personally but have been in the past. Anyway that has no bearing on the task ahead as the questions are suitable for everyone!

The Mission:
1) Answer the 10 questions and consider the mission.
2) Tag a blogger or two or more to do the same
3) Come back to my original blog post and tell me you have done the questions and answers.
The questions are OK for those who watch the television programme and those that don’t.

1. What one thing about being a parent makes you scream “Get me out of here!”
Answer: The really early mornings! And the runs at stupid o'clock! (blurgh)

2. What skills, if any, do you have that would be useful in the jungle?
Answer: Well I would say cooking but I don't think I'd be good any good at cooking anything at all there! Well, unless I was surviving on rice? Other than that I have a pretty good scream..'Shit there's a f***ing spider over there! And there! Holy shit they're everywhere!!!' Yeah I could be like a warning siren!

3. How are you likely to annoy people if you were stuck with them for 3 weeks?
Answer: Oh erm, I dunno. I could annoying people A LOT with that constant spider screaming stuff.

4. What is the worst thing you have ever eaten?
Answer:  Horse food. No word of a lie.

5. What luxury item would you take into the jungle with you?
Answer: My camera. Even though the batteries would run out eventually they're rechargeable  so last a really time. Long enough some pretty epic photos anyway!

6. What is the most daring thing you have ever done?
Answer: I think crossing the road is a bout as daring as I get to be honest!

7. Who would you miss most if you went into the jungle with a bunch of strangers?
Answer: I would miss my children and Jay, not to mention seeing my mum weekly and speaking to my Dad now and then for a good old catch up, I miss him now and I only live a car ride away!

8. What celebrity alive or dead would you like to have with you in the jungle?
Answer: Alan Carr. I love that man, I find him really funny and I bet he's a real kind person to hang out with. I would love a mate like Alan!

9. What would scare you about being in the jungle?
Answer: Shit me, everything!

10. After leaving the jungle, you go to a luxury hotel. What would be the first thing you did on reaching your hotel?
Answer:  Ok, I jump on the bed and breath in the wonderful smell of soft, clean sheets, then without further ado I jump in the shower for what seems like an age.

11th mission should you choose to accept it is to tell us why the person who tagged you is a star. (For the uninitiated, stars play a big party in the television programme) 
Answer: I love MummaSyder's blog, she was one the first people to 'speak' to me and make feel comfortable in this blogging world so I'm really grateful to her for that. There are so many wonderful posts, especially crafty posts that always make me wish I could be so much more crafty in my spare time! And because she has the BEST front room I have ever seen, literally.

So there you have it. Now to tag a few other people who if they wish to can take part. Don't forget to let me know if you do this so I can have a little peak back!
I Tag:
Laura at YummyMummyFlabbyTummy

Cupcake Mumma xx

Listography Top 5 Gadgets

Here it is again Kate at Kate Take 5 has asked us to list our top 5 favourite gadgets so wasting no more time my five are:

1. My good old laptop.
I'd be pretty lost without my laptop. I just got my old one fixed so I can now see the screen..I would hug it if it wasn't so heavy! After using a notebook for so long you can sure feel the difference! I hate it if my net goes down and I make lists to type up just so I can use it!

2.Mobile phone
I'm still getting used to this touch screen type of phone but i do quite like it. Anyway, for me any phone is better than no phone and in all honesty, although I enjoy maybe the odd day with it completely off I couldn't do that much more, I like texting too much!

Love my TV. How else would I get to watch my Eastenders, my Holby and Casualty? And all the other rubbish tosh I watch on BBC3 and more....

Who would not love their oven? Mind you I say I love mine but I still haven't cleaned it (not sure how long it's been now) I hate it when the oven breaks down, the microwave can't solve everything and it gets pretty horrid eating take outs everyday of the week! 

5.My camera
This is actually more like my number one but I never said this was in order now did I? Well it isn't. I am in actual love with my camera much like other bloggers out there. Thanks to blogging I have really got back in to using my camera and my fab Other Half has bought me another fro Christmas, a nice smaller one that can slip in to my handbag. Happy days!
So there you go, join in at Kate Take 5!

Saturday is Caption Day!

The Weekend is upon us again and with this comes Saturday Is Caption Day prompted by wonderful Mammasaurus. So, link up and share you photos for some Saturday fun!

Dear So and So....

Dear Cold,
WTF? Why are you here AGAIN? I cannot believe my whole little home has been struck down with feeling like absolute pants. Do you know how long it takes a child to get over a cold!? Do you know how long it takes me!!? I would try to repel you but you have so many little forms that no one remedy seems to make a blind bit of difference...Please leave now.
The one who is sleep deprived and bunged up.

Dear Big retailer who has stuffed me over today,
I made an order with you for my nice new corner sofa and do you deliver? No of course not? Did you not place my details and dates into your system? Oh no of course not. Did you call me or email me to call you to arrange a date for me to have my nice new sofa? No, No you did not! I now have until Tuesday sat on a blow up after spending all week sat on said blow up bed feeling increasingly uncomfortable but looking forward to the comfort of a new sofa!
Disgruntled Cupcake Mum

Dear Children,
My precious babies fight this horrid cold, and Little Man those teeth will come through soon Mummy has had words with them.
Love Mum

Dear Coca Cola Advert,
I am soooooooooo happy to see you! I can officially feel excited about Christmas and may sneak some tinsel out around the house (when Other Half is out of course)
Yours Excitedly,
The Child Within!

Dear Readers,
Thanks to new followers and hope you have a lovely weekend. Link up by clicking the badge and share you thoughts for this week which has flown by.

Project zero- Learn to use a touch screen phone

Alright, alright hold the laughter, I've only gone and done it! I've managed to send 2 texts without feeling a burning rage inside me. (Is a very proud day for me!)
I'm a teeny tiny bit of a techno phobe and ask anyone who has talked to me lately about touch screen phones I have quite literally gone off on one about how annoying they are, how the letter I want never seems to come up, how you look odd holding it and how you can no longer walk AND text at the same time.
However, I read through my 101 things in 1001 days through again today and thought 'Ah no time like the present.'
I have sat here, no joke, for about 2 hours getting the phone to like me..I *think* we're on to a good thing *crosses fingers* (We must be because I haven't had the overwhelming urge tonight to chuck it out the window), reminding me that this was a phone kindly given to me and the previous owner maybe, just maybe would rather I returned it in it's original state instead of looking like..well, looking like it had been thrown from the second floor of a house and run over by several passing cars.
I have a good excuse to use this phone you see because it's pink, it was given to me free of charge and because no one actually texts me that much so really, technically speaking I don't have to do much wrestling with the old touch sensitive keyboard!
So there's another 'thing' I can cross off of my list. Happy Days!

My Birth Story!

Finally a chance to spout off about my 2 little darlings coming into the world! Both of my children arrived very easily, with minimal fuss, 2 midwives (one of which was my wonderful Auntie), my partner and my Mother as my birth partners both times and my second was a water birth..fabulous!


This will be very short as there honestly isn't much i can remember! I don't remember any times or anything like that. What I can tell you however, is I stayed up rather late with with period pain at my mother in laws house where I was staying at the time with Jay (Other Half). It was about 11.30pm when I tried to go to sleep I had the most awful pain I had ever experienced in my tummy! I told jay to run the bath and got in as soon as I could. We called the midwife once, just managed to speak to her through some rather heavy breathing and was advised to go to the local birth unit where I had said in my birth plan I was desperate to give birth.
When we arrived I was already 4 cm dilated and the birthing pool was being filled up. My Mum arrived about an hour or so later when i was swirling around the pool in a lot of pain. I tried gas and air at this point and thought it was horrid. I was absolutely not having any pethidine (involved a needle) so I was going it alone from there on.
Fast forward 4 hours later, I had a funny feeling 'down there' " I need the loo" I proceeded to announce to mum (this was roughly 20 mins after smelling Jays breath and vomiting in a yellow bucket which was very hastily brought to me! 
I stepped out leaving Jay panicking about the blood in the pool, once he was satisfied with the explanation (it was the mucus plug..lush) he got out to dry off while I sat on the loo trying to push...Cue mother coming in and asking if i was okay..."Mum, I don't need a poo, I need to have a baby" I said (very calmly may I add.)
I waddled to the bed, realised we hadn't brought any milk or bottles (not supplied in birthing units) so mother in law missed the birth literally by about 15 minutes because she very kindly dashed out to buy the essentials! 
Anyway, back to me..I lay there legs akimbo, lady garden to the world, I pushed about 2 times when my aunt walked through the dear, said a quick hello before going into midwife mode, I gave another push (which I'm told turned me blue- i wanted it out!!) Had that very familiar razor sharp burning pain overcome me (NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS) and that was when I screamed, the most vocal part of my whole labour may I add. With one final push (good because I was extremely dizzy at this point) Little Miss was brought into the world with very little noise! I looked at my shrivelled up little bundle and realised I had just done the most amazing thing in the world. We were all crying, cameras out, texts being sent off here there and everywhere..I was stitched up (haunting me to this day thank you very much, def in the Que for my 'designer vagina!) (I'm being serious by the way) and was sent off home after a shower....Wonderful!

Sadly I suffered Post Natal Depression quite badly for a very long time (much longer than anyone really knew) But once the medication kicked in i was on the road to recovery. Unfortunately this gave me a lot of worries for my second pregnancy which was a difficult one. I was ill a lot, was very sick (but thankfully not sick enough to be hospitalised) I was very anxious about experiencing PND a second time knowing how much I missed with my daughter. When I found out I was having a little boy I was over the moon. Rightly or wrongly everything bad that had happened with little Miss made me think that I had to have a boy for everything to be different this time. Everything has been different this time, but not for that reason I am sure.

Now this one is good! I wrote this down (being very into writing at the beginning of 2011 and so very excited that I was feeling so amazingly good the second time round) Period pains started plaguing me all bloody night of the 18th February. I managed to drift in and out of sleep and on awaking I called my aunt to get her advice, this being about 7am. Quick phone call to mum who thought she would find me on all fours screaming for pain relief seemed very disappointed that I was still packing my hospital bag, leaning on the kitchen surface whilst stuffing my face with a piece of toast coated in chocolate spread (sugar levels people!). 
We said goodbye Jays mum who had come to look after Little Miss (thankfully still in bed) and drove off with Lewis Hamilton my Mum to the birth unit.
When I arrived I had my internal and I remember being very annoyed I was only 1cm. We stayed around a bit, stepped outside for some fresh air, had a couple of very intelligent stupid arsed turds shout 'fatty' out of their car window and ate some fruit bars. The longer I was there the more teasy I was becoming. My aunt suggested going out to the local park, we'd have a walk and a quick meal. We drove to the park (after Mother driving over every sodding pot hole in the damn car park) and went for some salad and chips and a walk around the lake. We decided nothing was still really happening so Mum took me and Jay to hers while she went off to work.
Dad was still asleep but soon woke up when mum mentioned the words 'Hannah, our house, labour' in the same sentence. I was greeted by him jumping through the kitchen door singing 'I'm talking  bout some great dilations' (yes he is 50-honest) and we had a nice conversation about my pain, my timings etc all the things you don't wanna talk about to your Dad really but it was bonding so who am I to argue?
I had stronger pains so called mum and she came home from work pretty quick. We went back to the unit but i was still only a few centimetres dilated. My midwife gave me a sweep (HOLY COW THAT IS PAINFUL) and I paced about a bit before declaring defeat once again and heading off home to cry in the shower: 'Why me, why can't i just have this sodding baby? I am soooooo ill and this is really not fair..If there is anyone up there who generally gives a shit get this baby out of me now!!'
*Pop* "That was odd, probably a very strange kick from my stubborn, unborn child"
*Gets out of shower* 'Owwwwwww!!! JASON!! My waters have broke. They have ACTUALLY broken". What a man, he helped me get changed while mum called the midwife who had run the birthing pool for me already! I spent about 4 hours in that pool by myself saying how at the time this was a good idea but I wasn't so sure now!
Little Man was born with about 4 or 5 pushes, pain relief free (because I don't like it not because I'm super human or something) I was a bit more concerned about my bits in my disorientated state but I was assured everything was fine and we were discharged same as before. I got to go home to my lovely daughter with my partner and new baby feeling fine, walking and not waddling and peeing without screaming hurrah!
Oh, and no post natal depression :-)

This post was written up for a link up of birth stories prompted by ActuallyMummy. Hop on over and read (and share) some more wonderful (and perhaps not so wonderful) birth stories.
*Edit- Also linking this post up with Parentonomy!
Cupcake Mumma

The Gallery 11/11/11

The lovely Tara over at Stickyfingers made the prompt for 'The Gallery' 11/11/11. Basically we had to capture what we were doing on this date to put it all together in to one big 11.11.11 moment, fabulous! So, wasting no more time here is my offering for this weeks Gallery:

I couldn't just post one picture for this special day. Me and my Little Miss went down to our local church where the services,town mayors and town band were marching. We came to a halt outside of the church and watched the band play a wonderful tune before the local Vicar made a quick speech before the silence. It was simply wonderful seeing the whole community come together, very emotional watching loved ones mourn their loss and the rest of us simply remembering each and every serviceman and woman both then and now.
Beneath is a picture I took of the memorial after the wreaths had just been laid.
What a wonderful day.

My Lovely November Weekend

I think I may have been a bit too involved in my memes of late and i've also had a few moments of 'well, what the hell do I write today?' They really suck, trapped brain waves pushing against that spongy wall to no avail...but they made it out, probably found a random gap where something of remote intelligence once lived!
On Saturday (after my lay in you understand) I decided me and Little Miss should just jump on a train and go to Truro. I took a little money, Little Miss grabbed her purse with £7.50 saved up (plus £2 generously donated by Nanny) and we were off. I got some lovely photos at the train station:
View of the tracks at Camborne Station
Couldn't resist a snap of the tracks not sure why!

Lovely Little Miss
Yes, Ted had to come to!
We arrived after a rather cramped journey on a small train and honestly could not believe the looks I received from one particuar student who decided all her stuff should take up 4 seats..When asked to move her portfolio so my 3 year could sit down you would have thought i'd asked her to get out and push the sodding train! 
Once we did arrive though Little Miss got very excited. We decided to hunt for some lunch first and sat down outside the Cathedral. It was cold but we ate fast so we could go inside to light some candles and have a look around. Little Miss loves these buildings and I'm so pleased because they are wonderful. She was full of questions and afterwards we popped into the shop to buy a postcard for me (as I collect them) and Little Miss found a feather pen, paid for it all by herself and has now decided she is exactly like Harry Potter, wand and all! 
Truro Cathedral

Small memorial

The Madonna with child

For Uncle Moo, Super Nanny and the Fallen we remember x
Everytime we go to Truro we light a candle for someone, it's coming up to a year already since my partner lost his Nan, my children's 'Super Nanny' so we lit 3 and donated some money into the boxes.

After this, we looked around some shops, mainly buying some Christmas bits from the good old £ Store, played in the Early Learning Center where we bought Little Man a Christmas gift which i'm sure will keep him amused for hours. It took a while to get Miss out of this store as you can imagine but the temptation of posting some letters for Mummy was too much so off we went!

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Ahh I forgot to mention the little 'fair' we ran in to! We lost at 'find the giant ball hidden under the snowmen' but Miss got 2 Lollies for having a go, she was given a balloon by a rather nice lady who then proceeded to wrap this rather well made and perfectly fitting Princess crown around her head..Now, where she got the candy cane from i'm not so sure! Must have been given it when I wasn't looking!

The day started off nice and peaceful until we heard the band marching down the road 'Of course!' I cried. I slipped on some trainers, Little Miss wanted to tag along too so I needed to shove a pair of jeans and a t-shirt on her (not realising just how bleeding cold it was going to be out there!)
We ran like mad to get to the end of town where I could get a picture of the band,army,navy you name it they were there and I wanted to capture them paying their respects.
We gathered at the local Church for our 2 minutes silence, speeches,laying of the wreaths. I didn't attend the ceremony simply because both Little Miss and I were thoroughly frozen by the time we had paid our respects. I got some lovely shots, loved seeing the gathered crowd come together, shed a few tears and had a brief conversation about why we were there with Little Miss who proceeded to say 'They are all angels in the sky now Mummy'. Bless and how right she is. I said it before and i'd say it again; I would freeze again and for longer to pay my respects to all those lost then and now (although I will put a coat on my daughter.) *Bad Cupcake Mum* 

Anyway i'm now looking forward to a rather nice (and long over due) catch up with a school friend I have not seen in over a year! Awful!