Saturday, 7 April 2018

From 2 to 4...

Children. 


It's never going to be easy raising children. Just when I think with my 2 that I've sussed a load of stuff out they chuck something new at me.
Raising kids is hard. I mean, it's not always hard, but I personally find it tough going (and I'm still 3 years away from the teens) 

Regular readers will know that I've now been in a relationship with Mr K for nearly a year. We've been visiting each other every month and a part from the first few times, each trip up to Kent saw me bringing my two up with me to meet and then stay for a week at the most with Mr K and his 2 boys, Will and James.


All of our children are similar ages. Lily is 10, Will 9 and both Alfie and James are 7. Perfect ages really. Their characters are wildly different and that has been the biggest shock to the system. Trying to please 4 kids isn't easy. Trying to leave them alone for 20 minutes feels nearly impossible. It's not that they don't get on; in fact, they get on very well. We have bickering and normal sibling squabbles but I think we have gotten off lightly compared to a lot of families! 

We know there is a long road ahead. There is so much change which is unsettling for children and we are finding it hard too! Currently, we are here for 3 weeks but during that 3 weeks we are trying to get the go ahead for me and my 2 to move in to the flat. We do see a great future as a blended family though so I know it will get easier as time goes on.


I never thought much about how different it would be going from having 2 children to then acquiring 2 more! As I said above, I think their characters and personalities are all pretty large and that takes some getting used to. As previously single parents all the time, Mr K and I have definitely noticed a few things

Im not sure we'll ever be able to leave our kids alone for a break in the day! I need a break. I need space. Lils and Alfie regualry go upstairs at home and play together or find something to do which leaves me happily chilling out for an hour watching Four in a Bed or some other guilty pleasure. Mr K used to have the boys happily watching a programme in the front room whilst he did his blogging from the armchair.

Now we are mixing home school with ferrying about and getting everything in a day done and whilst we've had some time out together, it's never been without some issue arising elsewhere. I never feel like a good parent when I'm in one room and the kids in another, I feel guilty but I think we all need and deserve a time out. The thing is, if trouble doesn't start it's bickering or play fighting or just a noise level you can't have in a small flat! 


I'm still getting used to the idea of telling off and disciplining someone else's children. I've taken James and Will on and we all get on well. I guess I've fallen into that rut of wanting to make sure Mr K's kids actually like me so telling them off has become difficult. Mr K and I agreed right from the start that we were not going to just discipline our own kids, that that would be a recipe for disaster. Instead, we chose to show a united front. I can still tell off my 2 with no problem although I often compare myself and wonder if I am being 'too nice?' I need to work on my own confidence as a parent and recognise that I can't let Mr K be the bad guy, at the moment I think he has a tough job but at the same time I'm not being listened to and if I carry on, all 4 of the kids are going to totally ignore me and see me as the nice parent who will always let them get away with stuff. 


We are at the very beginning of our #blended family journey. I believe truly that it will be a good one, that it'll be hard but it'll be long and lasting. We all have a lot of adjusting to do. Blending families is a big step and a tough job, I think what I'm feeling is normal. Perhaps it feels chaotic for a short period until it all becomes more stable and normal. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences of blending a family. 

5 comments:

  1. Ahh! Good luck to you and Mr K. You are such a lovely family already and it's just the beginning. Good luck with the move and settling down together as one family x

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  2. I may have only seen Martyn with our two but so far, but I think you're both doing a smashing job. I've not got any experience obviously, but we watched a lot of Supernanny growing up and I think that helped haha!

    Hope you're enjoying yourselves in Kent! xxx

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  3. Things do settle down eventually Hannah, but there are certainly lots of ups and downs at first in my experience. All you can do is what you both think is best, have each others backs and stand firm. I think once you are all living together you will find your groove. Best of luck with the move lovely x

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  4. Things will settle down eventually, if you guys need a break shout me, me & the Mr can drag them all to that lovely park round the corner & give you 2 a little break :) You will stop being soft touch once things settle down, it's all still so new. I can be a softy too & the girls ignore me but I'm slowly learning to roar like a dinosaur to get them to listen haha x

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  5. All the best to you both. I think I'd find the telling off bit hard too haha x

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