Now We're Three ~ A Letter to my Children

My beautiful children,

I could write this and pop it into a box or find some place safe but you know me, it'll end up lost under all sorts of other bits. So I'm writing it here, where all our other memories are and all my other thoughts are for you to one day read and look back on.

I'm sorry things didn't go the way we planned. I loved your Daddy very much, and for a long time he loved me too. But for a few months we drifted, then life, money and work got into the way and we lost ourselves. Sadly we drifted apart and one day Daddy left. For a long time we worked well but we are so very, very different and as we grew older we noticed this more and more. Daddy leaving was a shock, I never thought it would happen to me, to us. There's a lesson there my little ones, none of us are invincible to anything in this life.

I will never forgot your faces on the morning we told you Daddy didn't love Mummy anymore. Especially yours Midge, I know it hurt you a lot my sensitive, beautiful little girl. You both have come so far in just a few months and you must know I am incredibly proud of you. 

As a new family of 3 it's been tough at times hey?! Mummy has dropped a few balls but you know why? It's because I'm not perfect. It's because I was hurt and upset and I had to stay strong, face things that scared the hell out of me but I'd do those things again and again and again and I'd try not to drop those balls but sometimes juggling is hard! You'll understand one day.

I'm not going to say I hope you're happy because I know you are. You have both carried on doing well as usual in school, we've had lost teeth, more gym badges, new clubs, residential school trips, days out, and we totally conquered our first Easter holiday as a single parent family *yey!*

Yesterday you met your Dads' new girl-friend for the first time. You seem to like her, I'm glad she's nice and I hope in time you'll have some fun together. Just remember, she's going to be cool, nice and fun and I'm Mumma. I have to be all those things but I also have to tell you off and run our house, sort all your things and keep you in check and I won't always be as cool as her. I want you to know that you never have to hide anything from me, that I'm always here and I love you so very much. If there's anyone in this world that wants to help you, be there for you and love you in a way no other person can it's me. I am always here for you my babies and I know I won't always be fun, I won't be able to drive you to days out or holidays but I can and will always try to do and give you my best.

I'm happy for your Daddy. I don't always feel friendly or happy but one day you'll understand this. I'm also happy too. In a couple of months you'll meet someone who is special to Mummy and I hope you like him as much as Mummy does. Your Daddy will feel the same as me and he will always be there for you. You have so many people looking out for you. So many people who love you guys and I hope you never forget that.

I love you, I am proud of you and I thank you for being the two most amazing children I have ever known. How lucky I am that you call me 'Mumma.'

Cupcake Mumma