Do I Have An Extra Special Little Man?

I want to apologise if that title is patronising to anyone firstly, but it's just how I feel, in that 'Mummy' way. That my children are so super special anyway because they are mine and they are unique and wonderful to me but over the years something has been ticking, I have been struggling and as a family we have been struggling and tomorrow I hope to see if there are any underlying reasons why our family have been finding things so difficult with Little A.

Since he was one and a half, Little A has had rather spectacular tantrums, naturally put down throughout the years as him being a very strong willed infant and toddler. He started head banging floors, walls and doors and also his bed which we had to get padded out. He then head butted his rails but he was too young to sleep without them. Doctors, health visitors and even some family members assured me he would grow out of this upsetting behaviour. I was to keep him as safe as possible and 'ride it out.'

I can ride it out no longer. Thanks to speech therapy his communication has come on very well. He still has this at nursery. After an incident at nursery shortly after he started and which I wrote about here because it upset me so much, we shared some insights into Little A's behaviour, his likes and dislikes and sometimes very particular ones with the the staff there and this set the wheels in motion. We shortly met with a special educational needs lady who works with the council and works with schools in cornwall and she observed Little A. She spotted many things that we considered just something he did and probably every child did but which were actually behaviours on top of other behaviours that she wasn't sure about. Little A's sleep was a her biggest concern with repetitive night terrors, waking every night, being aggressive and head banging, and appearing to be asleep or at least half asleep. I agree it is a lot of work and is breaking me. I can't remember the last time my husband was beside me in bed because I am the only one able to console our son and almost always only being held very tightly in my bed calms him down.

Tomorrow morning I will be nervous but I will be armed with my forms and my own sheet of A4 paper which has both sides filled in of all the things I could think of that might be relevant to our meeting. I will blog our meeting so anyone in our situation can read what to expect from their first paediatric appointments, it's something I have struggled to find online (from a personal point) but luckily several friends have reassured me a little.

I've had many labels for my son over the last few months: Overtired, under stimulated, badly behaved, spoiled, attention seeking you name it but in my heart, deep down, I know there is something else to my boy. I believe he has trouble with sensory processing but you know, I can't say for sure, I'm not a professional after all..The way I see tomorrow, and this only a very personal way of viewing the whole thing and nothing to do with anybody else or their child, tomorrow will tell me, or hopefully soon tell me, that either there is something about my Little A's world I need to accept and learn from or I am failing him as a parent.

I'll be sure to clear my mind further after tomorrow that's for sure.

Cupcake Mumma