Broody.

I have two beautiful little children who are growing up so very, very fast. When Midge was 3 I was in the final weeks of my pregnancy with Little A and the age gap we have is a wonderful one in my opinion. It fitted us perfectly in terms of Little A arriving and Midge starting her new pre school, sleeping through at night and dropping her dummy!

I have seen so many tiny babies recently and each and every time I swear my womb slightly tightens and silently screams (only I can hear it you see, clever huh!?) who doesn't love tiny little babies? They're on my Twitter, they're wrapped in slings all small and cosy on their mums at school, placed in their buggies looking all snugly and irresistible. You'd have to be 100% sure you're done with babies for these gorgeous little bundles not to effect you..Or have a womb of steel, now there's an idea!

The thing is, when it comes to having more children both The Husband and I are really unsure. I feel like it's time for college or studying of some sort, but at the same time I've had 2 already, to go to work and then have my third seems odd to me, like I'm going backwards. I guess I'd like to see a future where I'm not pregnant, move on and concentrate on being a mother but also being me. With studying and then career. I think I'd be very reluctant to have a baby and return to work after what I've seen of my other two. Luckily I've not had to make those decisions and to be honest, I'm not sure I want to.

Pregnancy itself is a tough ride for me and my body. Perhaps if times were easier with Little A right now I'd consider going from 2 to 3. I do think how he'll be 4 next year and also in nursery. But it isn't the arrival that causes me problems, it's the stuff before that! My first two pregnancies were plagued by sickness. A lot of it and all the time, nausea and sickness, it was awful. Thank god it wasn't worse. On the outside I looked pretty good in both my 2nd and 3rd trimesters but inside I was feeling very ill and suffering some nasty pregnancy ailments. The fact this happened twice really doesn't make me feel a third pregnancy would be any different at all! I think I'd find a pregnancy now incredibly difficult if I had the same level of tiredness and problems as I have done previously.

The one question I went to sleep asking myself and actually awoke with though has had me questioning myself all day. As I smile at babies in pushchairs, get amazingly excited at my best friends new arrival due at the end of the year and feel amazingly warm and broody looking at cute little ones being cuddled at toddler group, I ask myself: Do I want a baby or a child? Two very different things when you really think about it. What do you think?

Cupcake Mumma