Did you Steal my Christmas Spirit?

I used to love Christmas. My Mum would be so excited by the whole event that as a child and even when I was no longer a child and knew exactly what I would find in my stocking, I was still super excited by the whole event.

These days I'm not surrounded by the same people. In fact, I'm not really surrounded by anyone. My only friends are those I exchange letters with and may one day, but not for definite, meet. The school mums are cliquey and rude. The one person I was friendly with used me as a baby sitter and when a new mum brought her daughter to school they've become best buddies and I've been dropped like rock. I don't want mates like that obviously, but I would like someone.

My husband isn't one to be overly excited by Christmas, my son is too young, my daughter just waits for Christmas Day and her elf box on Christmas Eve. All I keep hearing is 'I'm not in the mood' 'I've not got any Christmas spirit' sure this year has been tough for many but send it out with a kick up the arse please!

I'm just not myself at the minute. My parents are always working, I'm always with the children both of which just aren't sleeping and are grumpy both day and night. My anxiety is making me feel more and more withdrawn but I know I can't let it. I just wish I had more positive people to be around. I wish I had friends that weren't so damn far away. I wish I found it easy to make friends.

Okay so this is a fairly standard woe is me post and nothing is really wrong but to me these things matter. I don't know how to just break through this thick cloud hanging over me. I want to have fun, I want to bake, blog and craft but I don't, I curl up instead. Why?

Is anyone else feeling like this? I'm sure I'm just tired and feeling a bit low and need to dig deep to find this energy and Christmas cheer.

Cupcake Mumma


RhymesWithCakes said...

It is dark and dismal outside, it is cold and wet. Both these things make it tricky for anyone to be bright and breezy. Friendships do matter, even if if is just to have a gossip about what Jordan is wearing in a magazine or whatever, it is good for the soul. Are you on medication for your anxiety? Are you able to do more to meet more people. Toddler groups? Church groups? I found friends this way. The school playground is a more frightening place as an adult than as a child, but do make the effort to smile and nod - a quick hello, a moan about the weather, at least its an interaction with another person. As the children get older, so will their activities and social groups, and opportunities for new friendships will emerge for you. Lastly, find that Christmas spirit. Make ever second exciting for the children - snuggles on the sofa with popcorn and a film, Christmas crafts, let them bake with you, light a scented Christmas candle, bake gingerbread men, make Christmas hats and have a 'party tea', have a dance to Christmas music - these are things you don't even need to leave the house for.. One positive thing a day, to help you get in the mood.

Ojo said...

I do understand. I get up and think 'what's the point' then curl up onstage sofa and watch This Morning!
Do you think the dullness of the UK weather does it? A bit of snow would help, I think (proper Brit, blaming re weather).
I think too many of my friends are online! I want a virtual hug to be a real one xxx

Unknown said...

I get like this too, I am rubbish at making new friends, and not the best at making lots of effort to meet up with old friends too. It's been grey and miserable weather too which never helps I think. Hope you find your Christmas spirit soon xx

Hannah said...

Thank you for such a lovely comment Rachel. I've finally looked your blogged and followed it you made me feel so festive! I am going to take your advice and do more things to get me in the mood. Already i have enjoyed mince pies and wrapping gifts. I love to smile and say hello to people and find it hard to understand why others are not the same, it gets me more down than it should to be honest. I am on meds for my anxiety yes, i must make more effort in the new year i just feel i find the wrong people in all honesty. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to this post xx

Hannah said...

For once Jo, the weather isn't bothering me! I love donning my coat and wellies in the town i feel like my former country bumpkin self lol! I agree, virtual hugs are all well and good but i want real ones stat!! xxx

Hannah said...

Glad i'm not alone although wish no one had to feel this way. I am feeling brighter than last week though. Thanks for popping by lovelyxxx