Toddlers Don't 'Do' Sleep

Oh how silly of me to think otherwise! This week and a half just gone has seen me just functioning. Just being. It's a horrible feeling. I've had some lovely days don't get me wrong. I've spent quality time with my Dad on two occasions and I enjoy his being here. I've had Little A climb into my bed in the morning for his nap whilst I was having a lay in and that is lovely (because he's actually sleeping for a start!)

Otherwise I haven't taken much enjoyment in anything else. I don't particularly want to go out and I've had to force myself on the the occasions I had to go out for the school run and I felt particularly anxious. I can only assume this is down to the tiredness making it more difficult than usual for me to keep things in check and keep calm. I just want to get my child and go which is why Jay has been doing most of the school runs this week as one child is fine but 4 is too much for me this week when it's cold and drizzly and when together they walk so slow. I usually take this opportunity to really talk to them all (after all, I am mother to one and auntie to three of them) so I like to hear about their days, particularly my eldest nephew who has this love of books I had at his age. I'm so proud of him and it's nice to see him clutching a book every time I pick him up. He loves telling me about the story. I'm just too tired to concentrate on anything. Perhaps too selfish at the moment too. Tiredness really does make you feel low doesn't it?

I don't know why my toddler won't sleep. I've thought of bad dreams to night terrors to waking up and just not wanting to stay in bed so he head bangs and tantrums which is so loud I can't leave him because of the neighbours. I shouldn't care but I do, a screaming toddler at 1 am is not a pleasant sound and I'd hate to think we're making someone else's sleep a misery too. I asked my neighbour today if he can hear him and he seemed awkward before admitting that yes, he can but he's been there too. But because A isn't teething he doesn't understand what all the noise is about. Me and you both. Me and you both. It doesn't matter that he's nice about it, it doesn't make me feel better because i know now that he can hear him at midnight, at 1am, at 4am and so on!

So, do I just carry on what I'm doing? Taking him to my bed still crying in the early hours then sleeping before waking around 4am to get up? I lose my days because I put him back to bed and go back myself! It won't last forever but I don't know how to get to back to sleeping well without him crying and screaming which is horrendous. There is no control crying with A it's just constant and me going in and out makes him worse when he realises I'm not picking him up.

I just want my enthusiasm for blogging, baking, letter writing and people to come back. I want to be a better wife and a decent mother to my daughter who probably feels I don't want to do much with her when this isn't the case. How do you cope with tiredness and children with poor sleep? Any advice to share?

Cupcake Mumma