Friday, 7 April 2017

Now There's Only Three

I never thought I'd be single again. I never thought I'd have to be a single parent. I don't think anyone does. I haven't just lost my husband, who doesn't love me anymore, I've lost my best friend. We met when we were 16 and quickly went from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. We got married only 4 years ago, which is deeply sad and shameful for me. Marriage was so important and special to me but when one side stops talking and stops being honest with you you can't fix anything. Now we're at the point where I am incredibly in love and suffering so much pain and he feels nothing for me.

In time I'm sure we will be good friends. The children are going to be okay because we will make sure they are. I will now be a single mum to my little babies and really not much will change there. As the working parent, their dad wasn't around much and as the stay at home parent I obviously took on the responsibilities of the home and children, it's when I'm poorly that things get scary but I know we just have to get on with it!

I know life throws you curve balls but this is a bloody big one. Everyday at the moment is just constant pain. I'm not writing for sympathy I'm writing because it helps. Because this is my blog and as such I always wanted to be honest and wanted to document our journey as a family. Now there's only 3 of us and in time we'll be happy and stronger again.

I do wish I could fast forward the next few months, not that I know how long it'll take to stop feeling this way. Empty, scared, sad, upset, low, anxious, angry, desperate, just a bloody rollercoaster. Thank you to all those who have been there for me. I'm all ears for advice, support etc please leave a comment if you think of anything that could help in this time. Thank you xx

Cupcake Mumma

14 comments:

  1. I know how hard it is right now. It's is both should destroying and heartbreaking and lots of other pain that you never even realised you'd feel until you are now.

    Use the blog to write and express. It might help in the odd moment.

    I dont have any advice even though I've been through it. I think its always personal to everyone.
    But.....it will get better. It'll get harder at times too but it will get better.

    We are all here for you. Keep being you because you're ace. Even when you don't feel like it you are!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Please do not feel like you have failed. Relationships are tricky at the best of times and sometimes it is better to walk away and try to remain friends rather than continue as you are xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Sarah for your wise words xx

      Delete
  3. Sending love and hugs. Things will get better xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. As you already hinted at, time is a great healer, but that's not a lot of help for how you feel now. At least you are able to admit your emotions, let them live, let them work through and slowly but surely you will eventually climb slowly out and become strong again. Hug your children as much as you can, they will see your pain and you can all help each other through this painful period of your lives. Big hugs from me x x x

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't have any advice, I've not personally been through something like this. My parents divorced and I remember my mum taking things in her stride. We moved to a new place and she met someone fairly quickly which seemed to solve her problem. Maybe getting under someone is a good way of getting over someone....and that's how my brother can into this world.
    All jokes aside though, breakups are so hard. So so hard, even more so when one of you wants it and the other doesn't. It makes life feel unfair and very difficult, but you don't need me to tell you that because that's what you're feeling. In time things will get easier. You have your kids, and together you can rebuild your lives in a way that feels comfortable for you.
    I know it's easier said than done, but take everything Day by day.
    Lots of love to you and your babies 💕 I'm here if you ever need a chat xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Faye, your humour and kind words made me smile. xx

      Delete
  6. It's rubbish, it's painful, there are feelings of failure, there is heartache, there is real rip roaring grief and I remember literally howling with the pain when I was alone in my car. BUT there is the joy of the even tighter bond between you and your babies, there is the happiness of never having to argue about the washing up or the bins or that sort of stuff because although everything is all up to you that kind of becomes freeing, there is the pride of knowing you can get though anything, the pride of knowing you can do this single parent thing, the pride in the fact that you can do so this on your own. And then maybe later down the line there is the utter conviction that whoever becomes a part of yours and those precious babies lives will be so so lucky you let them in and you will be so so strong that no one will ever hurt you again. You have totally got this beautiful, it's atrociously hard to begin with but it will get better I promise with all my heart that it will xxxxx Em xxx

    ReplyDelete
  7. In all honesty it's crap but it gets better... there are good days and bad days. Every one is different and every situation is different but no-one is ever alone :)

    You'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll miss him sometimes and miss telling him something funny that's happened but it does get easier and you get to enjoy your beautiful babies :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. As you already know I'm thinking of you Hannah. You might not feel it at the moment, but you are strong, tough and brave and you will get through this. I'm a huge believer in everything happening for a reason, you don't always know the reason when you are going though the painful stuff but it always brings you to the place you are meant to be, I promise x

    ReplyDelete
  9. So sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment but you will get through it. Just now you feel like you will never get over it but people are resilient and we do, it will take time but you will get there in the end. Hoping that the next few months get easier for you & sending you all a virtual hug xx

    ReplyDelete