I never thought I'd be single again. I never thought I'd have to be a single parent. I don't think anyone does. I haven't just lost my husband, who doesn't love me anymore, I've lost my best friend. We met when we were 16 and quickly went from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. We got married only 4 years ago, which is deeply sad and shameful for me. Marriage was so important and special to me but when one side stops talking and stops being honest with you you can't fix anything. Now we're at the point where I am incredibly in love and suffering so much pain and he feels nothing for me.
In time I'm sure we will be good friends. The children are going to be okay because we will make sure they are. I will now be a single mum to my little babies and really not much will change there. As the working parent, their dad wasn't around much and as the stay at home parent I obviously took on the responsibilities of the home and children, it's when I'm poorly that things get scary but I know we just have to get on with it!
I know life throws you curve balls but this is a bloody big one. Everyday at the moment is just constant pain. I'm not writing for sympathy I'm writing because it helps. Because this is my blog and as such I always wanted to be honest and wanted to document our journey as a family. Now there's only 3 of us and in time we'll be happy and stronger again.
I do wish I could fast forward the next few months, not that I know how long it'll take to stop feeling this way. Empty, scared, sad, upset, low, anxious, angry, desperate, just a bloody rollercoaster. Thank you to all those who have been there for me. I'm all ears for advice, support etc please leave a comment if you think of anything that could help in this time. Thank you xx