Making (Mum) Friends..

Is hard right? I don't have very many friends (my closest is actually my pen pal which doesn't bother me in the slightest!) I do have friends locally. They're more of the 'swap the children for dinner nights and catch up at a children's birthday' kind of friends but hey, there are a lot of birthday parties so there is plenty of time to become firm(er) friends!

Anyway, as I was saying, I don't have many friends especially Mum friends. It doesn't really surprise me in total honesty because I've stopped going to baby classes. It's only recently I've been thinking that Little Man could be missing out on some one on one time, some cool toys and some company of his own age- but these groups are so off putting to me!

If you're brave enough, you'll start the conversation and usually a good way is by complimenting their baby right? Or is this just me? I genuinely mean my compliments ('Oh how sweet' 'Oh gosh isn't he tiny?' or 'I love her dress,') Mums love little things like that don't we? Those few little words can create a small gap for further conversation such as, 'how old is he then?' you get the idea.

Often I can see that a lot of Mums aren't really up for this 'getting to know each other' lark and as soon as their little clique or buddy comes a long you've got no chance. I usually wait for Little Man to get up to no good at this point because it means I can get up from my awkward patch and 'tell him off' when really he's just saved me from being a total loser talking to nobody. See, that's how I end up feeling at Mum and baby groups: A loser.

I know for a FACT I'm not the only one who feels this way. Perhaps some would say it's my attitude?  That I allow myself to feel this way? Then again, I don't know many people who can just walk into chatting circle of Mothers and feel able to strike up a conversation. I always feel like I try first, with a smile, then with a little small talk and yet still I never seem to get anywhere!

I've come to the conclusion after writing the above that I WILL start attending toddler classes again but with a new attitude. I shall adopt the 'i'm here for my son,' attitude whilst remaining happy and friendly towards others. I suppose it would be an undetectable 'take it or leave it' attitude which means we can all leave at the end of the day happy. I could gain a mate or two or just leave with my little boy who has had fun and bonded with his Mummy for a few hours.
Win win I say.



Hannah said...

Phew! I'm glad I'm not alone feeling like this: I am already dreading the small talk and forced conversation of baby classes (and my baby hasn't even arrived yet!)

I like the "I'm only here for my son" mentality - let me know how that goes as am going to need some survival tips in the coming months :) x

Anonymous said...

I must confess I gave up going to toddler groups and the like because most of the time I felt a bit of an outsider. I'm lucky though as between my in laws and family we have 8 children all of a similar age and all see each other nearly every day so they didn't miss out on socialising!

I like the way your re-thinking it all, hope it goes well!

I've also tagged you in a MeMe if you fancy joining in have a peek and hope you do x

Unknown said...

I am terrible at baby groups, and have only ever gone to them with friends I already know! I am never very good at approaching people I don't know, having Alex helps, but like you say I do always want him to do something that gives me a getaway excuse when I run out of things to say and you get the horrible awkward silence! x

Unknown said...

Can I just say, for the record, that I HATE baby and toddler groups? I've attended some with Isaac and adopted that mentality from the off as I couldn't stand it. On the first session the mums were all asked to 'stand and introduce ourselves'... Brilliantly awkward.
As a fellow young mum I won't lie- much as we get on famously online and should we ever meet up will probably carry that on in person, had we met at one of these awful things I'd probably have kept myself to myself. That's definitely an attitude thing on my part, but I hate this 'you must make friends with other mums' malarky.
My best friends are both single 22 year olds, size 8's, out every weekend and have no interest in settling down any time soon. But you know what? I love them because they're them, not because they have children.
Carry on as you are honey- do what you need to do for little man but stay true to yourself! I think you're fab :D xx

Unknown said...

I have recently started to take Thomas to baby toddle group, I'm a naturally shy person so I hate having to speak to new people. But i'm determined to do it for Thomas's sake as well as my own

Ashleigh said...

I am a massive outsider at Mums and Tots groups, and admittedly I've only just started going to them more often, but I'm also adopting the attitude, "I'm here for my baby!".

Being only 20 means I'm the only one in my friends group with a child, so I haven't got anyway to do "Mum" things with, I'd love to have a "Mum" friend to go on playdates and days out with, but alas, I still have none.

Kat Sighs said...

Imagine if you will, a small village. In the park there is a mobile in the corner just like the ones we used to have at school. This is were the playgroup is held. A place where all the Mums (who's families probably built the village) can meet and chat with their little ones. It costs a mere £1 to sit with these ladies for 2hrs twice a week and feel like a Lepur, while your Kids are stared at and quietly compared - bargain I say! Xx

Hannah said...

Ohh what a bargain indeed Kat! haha xx

Unknown said...

This was my experience of baby/toddler groups - I gave up in the end, preferred spending time just me and him than feeling like a wallflower :( xx

Hannah said...

Good choice Emily. Why make yourself feel uncomfortable when you can be happy doing other things with your son? xx

Hannah said...

I think it can be hard as young mum. Personally I don't get on very well with mums my age as i often feel im more mature (i prefer to have friends who a little older than me!) but equally some older mums can make very little effort with the younger mums.

Hope you find some mummy friends soon! xx

Jennifer Jain said...

I've really enjoyed going to baby and toddler groups, but I'm not much good at talking to people! I take the little ones, they can play with some new toys, and I can sit quietly in the corner while they are entertained! They've never been good at being entertained at home, I need to get them out the house. I have made a couple of friends at the one I've been attending for the longest (over 3 years now so inevitable really!) but at a newer one I go to I've never really got past a hello smile. I find that as soon as I'm talking to someone then one of the little ones needs my attention and then the moment has passed and it's difficult to strike up conversation again. It is difficult to make friends there, or at least to make friends that you can take outside the group.