Friday, 24 June 2016

Tackling my Social Anxiety and Blushing



The best way to tackle the kind of fear I have is, I believe, to go right in and keep doing the same thing until eventually it all feels easier and better and I can go "what was I worried about?" *insert nervous chuckle*

In reality I just don't feel I can do it. That's partly my brain saying you can't do that, I won't do that, that's not a good idea, oh no you won't cope with that and partly this weird, truly odd feeling like I'm being physically restrained and I cannot physically 'do' the things I want to do (like go out with a group, or getting a job or volunteering!) I WANT to do those things. "So do them!" People say. Let me do something here:

You are standing on a spot. In front of you is a box. It's as big as you want it to be, it's big enough for you to go in. If you're afraid of small spaces you're already getting the drift but if not please continue... In this box is your biggest fear, (if you don't have one, you can read on for general understanding) your fear is in this box and I'm telling you to go in it. Go on, it's easy..right?

Now just because I'm scared of talking in front of people, of being in most social situations, of interviews and so on and it sounds totally bonkers doesn't mean it's daft and easy to deal with. I mean, if I was so inclined I'd say your fear of little spiders/sheep/foods/frogs and what not was bonkers but I'm an understanding person (who is petrified of cows, let's not forget that) so no judgments from me.

I digress, my big fear is something I wish to shake off, to lose, to deal with and come to terms with. I already understand anxiety but I need more which is why I have self referred myself to outlook southwest where I will wait to see another cognitive behaviour therapist. I had my telephone assessment yesterday instead of waiting for the end of July to come around before I could meet someone in person. The assessment was...hard I guess. The lady was lovely, I wasn't too nervous and because I wasn't face to face I think I was a bit more honest. My anxiety was marked as low, which is understandable given I'm not anxious unless facing my fear. My avoidance score was high and my depression score was moderate. I have been referred for CBT and will hear soon when this will start. She also mentioned something else to address my other feelings, after all it's all very deep rooted this blushing business and I agree, maybe I do need extra help in order to accept myself.

No one can help me until I help myself so this is the start. This is where we start chipping at the wall of Social Anxiety Disorder and Excessive Blushing until that bastard wall collapses!

I know my readers are rooting for me and I know a lot of you have been or are still going through similar. Some of you I am inspired by and others provide me great comfort. Onward and upwards Cupcakes!


Cupcake Mumma

9 comments:

  1. I don't suffer with the social anxiety, actually, I'm probably the person you want standing next to you lol. However, the blushing, I totally understand. It's so bloody frustrating isn't it! With you all the way lovely, you can tackle this, one day at a time xx

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    1. It really is frustrating! Thanks lovely Jo, I did think of you as i typed this up! xx

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  2. Well done for taking that first step. A huge big pat on the back x

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  3. Well done for taking the first step lovely. I am insanely shy, and I think perhaps it might be more than shyness. Good luck lovely and I am here for you all the way xx

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    1. It could well be, everyone called me just shy for so long but as a teenager it felt so much more, not that anything happened i discovered sad when i was 16 but no one really listened so i wasn't diagnosed until after A at 21 xx

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  4. Yes I have had my ups and downs with social anxiety. The trouble is that life today makes it easier to avoid direct contact with people, and that's not always a good thing. You have to keep pushing yourself to do a little more of the stuff you're scared of, otherwise your world gets too narrow and before you know it you're suffocating (been there, done that). So I really applaud you taking this journey and being brave enough to write about it. Take care of yourself, you're very precious.

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment Joanne, it really means a lot. I hope you're much better now too

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  5. Good on you for getting some help, I still haven't reached that stage as I am mainly in that 'I'm just going to avoid everything' stage oops! Although I have actually been to a couple of restaurants the past few months and actually eaten my meal without getting my weird nervous thing (a big step for me)! The phone call itself would have left me petrified haha, well done and good luck xx

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