Friday, 13 March 2015

Lowering the Dose

Last week I visited the GP, a lovely woman who is always so honest and supportive of my decisions, to lower my medication. I take medication for my anxiety (general and social) and for low moods. I've been in a better frame of mind for some time now and with the help of some actual daylight I began to feel more positive. I had been forgetting to take my pills so often I was effectively on a lower dose anyway, it just made sense.

So I've been on my lowered dose a week now..I feel different. I feel like I'm fighting something. I'm not sure if this new positive me that has ideas of breaking free from my social anxiety to actually do something (namely
Volunteer) is maybe playing havoc with my mind or if actually I don't need these pills anymore at all. I sometimes forgot my pills so often there would be 2 weeks full in a sachet. I didn't really think about it..I felt,for once, 'normal.' So maybe I don't need them? Maybe this brain of mine is chemically balanced enough and is feeling worse WITH the medication? Is that possible?

I've no idea. I don't think I have a problem any more that a pill can help control. I have a problem with fear. Knowing that I can't do this, what I do everyday, forever. That actually I'm beginning to not want to. I'm beginning to want a life. To be in a work place, to help out, to chat and be sociable but I'm keeping myself a prisoner. Social Anxiety..the fear of social situations. No pill can cure that. Not even good old CBT is/was enough. I've got to jump in with both feet and don't I know it....

Just not yet..I'm the determined diver with a fear of heights on that edge, trying not to look down but willing myself to fall forwards. I'm still just not quite ready to take the plunge...

Cupcake Mumma

8 comments:

  1. Go with the flow, of a lowered dose for now. It may well be the 'real' you, fighting to get out, but don't dive straight for the top board. Give the fighter in you a little time, I'm positive you'll get there xx

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  2. I'm so pleased for you! Go Hannah and this can do attitude!

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  3. Well done, that is great going. Totally understand how you feel with the social situations and wanting to do things but there's always something holding you back, but you positive attitude will hopefully help you in the end, just go at a steady pace :), all the best xx

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    1. It's nice that there are people like yourself who understand this feeling, thank you for your comment and support :) it seems to be going well :) xx

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  4. I've developed a form of social anxiety because I've become a bit of a recluse, and I'm becoming more of a recluse because of the anxiety. It's a vicious circle. I'm on the way down and considering more medication, it's great to read about people coming out of the other side.

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    1. It really is isn't it and anxiety doesn't take long to grip a hold on you one moment it's one thing you feel is too much then it escalates to another fighting it requires real strength I hope if you feel you need to you can seek help again you are find through a difficult time. If I can help in any way I would love to even if it's blogging!

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