I've been feeling a bit down of late. One day I have a little down spell another I have the old 'what's the point in getting up' thought. The worst thought for someone who feels almost numb. It's hard to explain for those who don't understand. I have so much to be happy for, and trust me I am, but I can't help how I'm wired. Roll your eyes. Tut. Feel like I'm not worth the bother..I don't care. Well okay, I do care but I wouldn't do the same to you.
I remember a lot of my tasks from last year when I attended CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and I know I need to sit down, focus and go through these steps. I don't want to go back to these sessions as I think and I believe in giving myself a chance to pick myself up and really try incredibly hard to focus on all the positives there are. There doesn't feel a lot at the moment but I know there are.
I've been finding lately that I want to explore places a bit more. I love history but first and foremost I love OUR history. I want to explore the UK and visit those main attractions, those points of historical greatness. I love standing in History. Think about it, you're standing somewhere where something amazing/tragic/wonderful/new to that time happened and it's just brilliant. Who was standing in that same spot all those years ago?
I want to be more creative. I'm a little clumsy when it comes to creative matters. I can make a good cake but I'm never happy with the results. I've joined Pinaddicts which is a new challenge to make something every month and show the world!
I'm frustrated with myself at the moment to say the least. I hate feeling down, I hate what people may think of me and I hate what i think of me. I really feel I've taken so many steps forward then a million more back. I got so confident I started worrying what people thought of me. Had I changed too much? Do people still like me? Some people stopped talking to me...I suppose a quiet doormat was their best friend?
I apologise for the miserable tone of this post. Any words of comfort are always appreciated. How do you motivate yourself when you're feeling blue? Do you ever have that feeling where you're constantly pushing yourself? Does it get easier?