Sunday, 22 January 2012

I Hate This Feeling..

I've been feeling a bit down of late. One day I have a little down spell another I have the old 'what's the point in getting up' thought. The worst thought for someone who feels almost numb. It's hard to explain for those who don't understand. I have so much to be happy for, and trust me I am, but I can't help how I'm wired. Roll your eyes. Tut. Feel like I'm not worth the bother..I don't care. Well okay, I do care but I wouldn't do the same to you.

I remember a lot of my tasks from last year when I attended CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and I know I need to sit down, focus and go through these steps. I don't want to go back to these sessions as I think and I believe in giving myself a chance to pick myself up and really try incredibly hard to focus on all the positives there are. There doesn't feel a lot at the moment but I know there are.

I've been finding lately that I want to explore places a bit more. I love history but first and foremost I love OUR history. I want to explore the UK and visit those main attractions, those points of historical greatness. I love standing in History. Think about it, you're standing somewhere where something amazing/tragic/wonderful/new to that time happened and it's just brilliant. Who was standing in that same spot all those years ago?

I want to be more creative. I'm a little clumsy when it comes to creative matters. I can make a good cake but I'm never happy with the results. I've joined Pinaddicts which is a new challenge to make something every month and show the world!

I'm frustrated with myself at the moment to say the least. I hate feeling down, I hate what people may think of me and I hate what i think of me. I really feel I've taken so many steps forward then a million more back. I got so confident I started worrying what people thought of me. Had I changed too much? Do people still like me? Some people stopped talking to me...I suppose a quiet doormat was their best friend?

I apologise for the miserable tone of this post. Any words of comfort are always appreciated. How do you motivate yourself when you're feeling blue? Do you ever have that feeling where you're constantly pushing yourself? Does it get easier?


6 comments:

  1. I think January is always a tough time for feeling like this. It's one reason I hate having a January birthday, esp as it's first week of January where you have a sense of anticlimax and a big hit of reality has smacked you in the face.

    For a start, it's not at all a million steps back.

    Secondly, don't worry too much about what people think. People will still like you and if they don't like the new you, that's THEIR problem, NOT yours. As you say, they probably liked a quiet person because they could dominate it and when you weren't, they didn't like being top dog.

    When I'm feeling blue, the best thing to do is to have a treat. I was feeling really bad this time last year and booked a massage. It helped me relax and I clearly remember crying (silently) during it but it was a release and it realised I needed to be kinder to myself.

    The best way to motivate yourself is to have a clear plan and targets along the way. That's how LifeCircle should help.

    And yes, I do feel like I'm constantly pushing myself because believe me, drifting is far worse. And no, it doesn't really get any easier - working outside your comfort zone never is, but if you stay within your comfort zone, it gets very boring indeed. By taking a few small risks, you might find that your life gets more interesting.

    Good luck, and BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

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    1. Thank-you Kate. Life Circle is really helping me, feel free to give me a virtual kick up the backside now and then, I can be a bit slack it's not that I don't want to do something it's that I just a feel a bit 'blurgh' if that makes sense. Blogging can be one of the best releases for me.
      I like your idea of going for a nice massage. I was thinking about accupunture the other day as I've heard such wonderful things about it, something to try.
      I am too hard on myself, a problem most of us struggle with I think is being kinder to ourselves but I will take your advice and chill out. Thanks for some perspective and your time for a posting a lovely and supportive comment Hannah

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  2. Sending you a big, massive Hug...sorry you are feeling down at the mo. Being a Mum is so hard, especially when the kids are small. I often felt they way you do and the majority of young Mums do. I know you are not alone.

    Hobbies are important...they give you a piece of yourself. You dont have to be good at them just enjoy them, let them take your mind away from the everyday mundane. You definately have a talent for cakes. How about a craft with polymer clay? I've been looking into it myself. There are loads of cool things you can make with the clay.

    Friends change all the time, people we once really got along with we just drift away from. You will make other friends xxx

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    1. Really sorry you are feeling like this. If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone. I often feel like this. I usually wallow in the feeling a bit and then make a plan. I see you have a Day Zero Project list, this has made a huge difference to me and the way I am feeling. Working towards things and ticking things off gives me a huge feeling of achievement. I too am guilty o spending way too long, thinking and worrying about what other people think of me. I bet 99% of the time they are not thinking what we think they are! You sound like a lovely mummy who has many hobbies (the blog, photography, baking etc) and you show a real passion for history. You should have more confidence as you certainly have alot going for you xx

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    2. Thank you both for your comments. Mama Syder Polymere clay sounds like a great idea i never thought of it, maybe i'll look into for sure. Thank you again for your support :-)

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    3. Kelly you almost had me sobbing bloody hormones lol thanks for your comment really did make me smile. You've made me feel a little less alone. I also enjoy the Project Zero perhaps i should have a peek at it and set up my next challenge. Im pleased to say I have had a better day today! thank you xx

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