Thursday, 28 January 2016

Some Days are Just Hard

Actually it's not some days at the moment it's some weeks. Little A hasn't been sleeping too great, I'm coping with the lack of sleep, I've managed to work out 3 times this week so far and eat well too. I've been trying to keep positive for my husband who isn't happy at work and wants a new job but can't find one that he can be sure is permanent. Little A's sleep isn't awful, it's actually better than its ever been, there aren't anymore night terrors, there's no random screaming, no head banging, I'm not sure why I'm moaning to be honest! Still, it's broken sleep and school are noticing it,

They're also noticing some of his sensory processing difficulties of late which are made worse by him feeling tired. He's less able to tolerate the things he's been doing well with. This morning I went through 5 pairs of socks before he was happy to pop his shoes on. Yesterday I tried 3 different shoes. I've had problems with his trousers. School have noticed they seem 'too small in the leg'. I have several pairs at home, they are 4-5 that fall down even with the waist taken in. I have several pairs that caused him massive upset because the fabric felt like it was scratching the life out of his skin (nylon I think) Now, he fits a 3-4 but of course the legs are too short. What can I do? What can I bloody do? 

Midge has been anxious at school. She doesn't like answering questions in front of people. I suffer from social anxiety disorder, I have to fight everyday to speak to people at the moment and the instinct to pick her up and hide her away so she doesn't feel that anxiety is overwhelming. Of course, the sooner she gets used to answering these questions in her small reading groups the better. I spent most of my teenage years bunking off any presentations, I really don't want Midge to be so afraid. Her teacher seemed to understand, poor Midge feels as though her teachers are cross with her and she even asked me to home school her! Taking her away from the situation won't help; I've spent so long avoiding my fear of talking to people I am basically stuck in my house, feeling sad, lonely, sometimes content though, definitely safe but like I'm wasting everything.

I don't know what this post is. Actually I do, there was a time I'd record everything on this blog because it was for me and I'm going to go back that. Blogging as therapy as they say. 

5 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. Poor Little A and Midge, too. Hope things improve soon, but in the meantime, I'm thinking of you xx

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  2. I hope everything settles for you soon lovely. I'll be thinking of you. Just remember you are an amazing mother and you are doing the best you possibly can for your children and that is enough. xxxxxx

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  3. Sorry to hear things have been rough for you all lately Hannah, I used to suffer from social anxiety quite badly in my 20's but I've learned over the years that pushing myself a little further each time I feel like that really helps, fake it till you make it is my motto. Hope February is a wonderful month for you x

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  4. Sending hugs, sometimes we all have those weeks/months where everything gets too much. I have noticed some of my anxiety ways rubbing off on Alex in particular, it's so hard showing them that it's ok when you yourself did or still do the same thing xx

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