Lowering the Dose

Last week I visited the GP, a lovely woman who is always so honest and supportive of my decisions, to lower my medication. I take medication for my anxiety (general and social) and for low moods. I've been in a better frame of mind for some time now and with the help of some actual daylight I began to feel more positive. I had been forgetting to take my pills so often I was effectively on a lower dose anyway, it just made sense.

So I've been on my lowered dose a week now..I feel different. I feel like I'm fighting something. I'm not sure if this new positive me that has ideas of breaking free from my social anxiety to actually do something (namely
Volunteer) is maybe playing havoc with my mind or if actually I don't need these pills anymore at all. I sometimes forgot my pills so often there would be 2 weeks full in a sachet. I didn't really think about it..I felt,for once, 'normal.' So maybe I don't need them? Maybe this brain of mine is chemically balanced enough and is feeling worse WITH the medication? Is that possible?

I've no idea. I don't think I have a problem any more that a pill can help control. I have a problem with fear. Knowing that I can't do this, what I do everyday, forever. That actually I'm beginning to not want to. I'm beginning to want a life. To be in a work place, to help out, to chat and be sociable but I'm keeping myself a prisoner. Social Anxiety..the fear of social situations. No pill can cure that. Not even good old CBT is/was enough. I've got to jump in with both feet and don't I know it....

Just not yet..I'm the determined diver with a fear of heights on that edge, trying not to look down but willing myself to fall forwards. I'm still just not quite ready to take the plunge...

Cupcake Mumma