Thursday, 2 August 2018

Letting Lily Fly


Sometimes you have to let children fly.

When Midge was born I have to admit that I didn’t bond with her like I did years later with A. I saw lots of people connect with their new born and yet I struggled. When A came along the connection was there and it felt completely different; that didn’t mean that I didn’t try to give her every opportunity that I could!
As A grew up, and was later diagnosed with SPD, L took a slight backseat because his behaviour and difficulties were quite demanding on both my time and attention.

Of course, over the years, things have balanced out and I manage to get to spend time with them both equally but I do have some lingering mum guilt when it concerns L.  

She is sensitive, happy, nervous and anxious but I have noticed over this last year that she has gained confidence, eagerness to explore and learn.  It is something that has been both a pleasure to witness but highlights something that I often lack.

However, she is very much like my sister when it comes down to this mind-set.
Issy is someone who I admire massively. From the child that I knew growing up to the woman she has become has allowed me to become a spectator to the drastic change in her outlook in life. If you had told me only a few years ago that she would be off travelling and exploring the world to different countries, harsh landscapes and physically trekking to breath-taking places I don’t think I would have believed you!

Seeing this change in her has highlighted the change that has been happening in L and it is something that I want to encourage and nurture in her.

Issy asked me a while back if she could take her on holiday a couple of months back and despite my own anxieties I knew I had to allow her to go. The location has changed through discussing different options but one thing has remained, it’s abroad.

Although I am happy to be a spectator to my sister’s global adventures and mentally visit these with her it isn’t something that I would do myself; I just couldn’t face the action of travelling.  The thought of getting on a plane and flying somewhere terrifies me to my soul. Growing up I have seen so many stories of accidents, plane crashes, failing mechanics and human error that it has mentally shocked my core with fear.

The sheer thought of getting on a plane immediately makes me anxious, my heart races, my breathing is increased and my skin suddenly makes me feel claustrophobic and that is just the thought of doing it!

What if something happened and we were hurtling to the ground? What if it was at sea? What if decompression happened and I needed oxygen? What if the masks didn’t work? And the list could go on!

If you are in a car or a train then the crash just happens. Yet, when you are on a plane and something goes wrong you are living the last moments KNOWING that you are about to die.

I know many of you reading this would think this is totally over dramatic but this is exactly what goes through my mind and how I feel. I wish I could change it but I can’t. Phobias are never really logical though are they?

Sadly, for a long time, I passed my feelings and anxiety about scenarios like this on to L but this year has shown that she isn’t me. She is stronger, braver and far more out-going than I am; it would be wrong of me to hold her back because of my own fears.

This doesn’t stop me from worrying about her though. The fear and anxiety will obviously take over knowing that she will be getting on a plane and in addition to that I worry that she will suddenly feel anxious about the fears that I have previously and wrongly imparted to her. I know logically, however, that the worst case scenario is she will be bored and moaning due to delayed flights and crowded airports.

By the looks of the organisation it will still be a year until she is going on holiday and I think personally that this may be key. It allows me to continue to witness her ever growing confidence, see my sister continue to grow and explore the world and help me find ways to deal with some aspects of my own anxiety so I don’t mentally impact negative thoughts to her.

So for now I know that I have to allow my child to fly both physically and metaphorically.
 
 
This post has been completely written by myself but contains sponsored content.

3 comments:

  1. That is a brave step for you and for her! I do fly, but only up to a couple of hours and I get those exact feelings you do just from thinking about it. Strangely, I am usually OK once I'm on the plane. I have done a hypnosis download from Paul McKenna, which is really good, and I also take a low dose of diazepam before flying, which just takes the edge off things for me.
    I hope she loves her holiday, whenever it happens.

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    1. I quite like the combo you have going on to help you when you do fly Sarah!
      Thank you, hoping she won't be as much of a wuss as me!

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  2. I think you are totally brave, I also wont fly anymore as I get all those feelings you do and literally cry and shake the entire flight - luckily hubby feels the same. I am too anxious to let my daughter 6 go in cars with others (tho I have to make myself let her) I have nightmare about the time she is gong to ask me to go on a plane with school etc. Well done for being brave enough to put her first, you are a far better woman than me xx

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