I know my ex hasn't departed this world forever, that we will co parent and remain friends as close as is possible for both us and the children. I am grateful for this. But a huge part of my world has been taken away, things have shifted in a huge way and a piece of me has been broken. Now my best friend, the person who knows me better than anyone in this whole world and who I could trust with anything has gone. He has broken my heart, I could never talk to him or trust him like I once could because he isn't my constant anymore; maybe on paper he is my husband but in all other sense he is not.
I am finding positives to single life, I have to. There are things I miss. Part of me misses the soaking wet shower mat every time he had a shower.
His snoring. Which sounds weird I know.
The big cuddly hugs
Playing with his beard
Telling someone I loved them. Now it's 'take care' whenever we end a phone call
Hearing about his day
Talking to another adult
Knowing I was safe.
One day someone else will have his gentle hugs, his ridiculously loud snores. I hope that one day I get to tell someone I love them, to not feel so alone. Sometimes it doesn't matter how many friends you have around you you feel like the loneliest person in the whole world.