I used to love Christmas. My Mum would be so excited by the whole event that as a child and even when I was no longer a child and knew exactly what I would find in my stocking, I was still super excited by the whole event.
These days I'm not surrounded by the same people. In fact, I'm not really surrounded by anyone. My only friends are those I exchange letters with and may one day, but not for definite, meet. The school mums are cliquey and rude. The one person I was friendly with used me as a baby sitter and when a new mum brought her daughter to school they've become best buddies and I've been dropped like rock. I don't want mates like that obviously, but I would like someone.
My husband isn't one to be overly excited by Christmas, my son is too young, my daughter just waits for Christmas Day and her elf box on Christmas Eve. All I keep hearing is 'I'm not in the mood' 'I've not got any Christmas spirit' sure this year has been tough for many but send it out with a kick up the arse please!
I'm just not myself at the minute. My parents are always working, I'm always with the children both of which just aren't sleeping and are grumpy both day and night. My anxiety is making me feel more and more withdrawn but I know I can't let it. I just wish I had more positive people to be around. I wish I had friends that weren't so damn far away. I wish I found it easy to make friends.
Okay so this is a fairly standard woe is me post and nothing is really wrong but to me these things matter. I don't know how to just break through this thick cloud hanging over me. I want to have fun, I want to bake, blog and craft but I don't, I curl up instead. Why?
Is anyone else feeling like this? I'm sure I'm just tired and feeling a bit low and need to dig deep to find this energy and Christmas cheer.